So, here's the thing. A common dilemma seems to be plaguing a majority of the people of my generation. I call it the "Insignificance trauma". After much research and study, I list my observations.
It feels like being in the middle of some twisted camera trick Alfred Hitchcock might have used in Vertigo. The world seems to sprout like a mushroom and rise up all around you. The world gets bigger and you get smaller. The cockiness that comes out of having complete faith in your own abilities is gone. You're not so sure that there is a place for you in the big wide world after all.
To put it more bluntly, you've lost your mojo (not just sexually, you perverts).
Suddenly, you seem to be disintegrating into a shadow of your former self. You can't write as well as you used to. You can't sing or dance or play basketball as well as you could once. You seem to have lost that irresistible charm that you once had over the opposite sex. Your symptoms can be any, all and more of these. But whatever different things you're going through, at the end of the day, it's the same damn feeling.
You're getting smaller and the world is getting bigger.
When this condition worsens, the feeling becomes more severe. You feel like you're disappearing, a little bit everyday. And of course, nobody seems to be noticing except you. Sometimes, you nearly yell out to the un-noticing void.
Can't you not see me vanishing in front of your very eyes, you blind idiots? @#&$*%
Nothing changes on the outside, you continue going to college or work or wherever. All the turbulence brewing underneath does not even stir the surface. Parents don't see it. Teachers don't see it. Sometimes, friends don't either. You just walk around all day with this sensation of emptiness, that's all.
I don't know why we're all going through this but it can't be the first time that a whole bunch of young people have doubted their lives, right? Other folks must have been through this before us and they clearly survived, didn't they?
What can I say? If this is happening to you, then please know that it's happening to all of us.
This too shall pass.
Monday, November 3, 2008
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