So, what is making me write again after all this while? I'm sure you want to know. But there is a more important question to be asked here. Why did I stop writing in the first place? In a word, disillusionment.
The world, society, parents, love, life, destiny, good, evil you name it and I have been disillusioned in that area. Don't misunderstand. Don't equate disillusionment with depression or depravity. I've been alive, well and as happy as possible. But one fine day, I suddenly didn't know what to say. Where earlier I wrote with confidence, my hands now typed out a few words, trembled and withdrew. I didn't think anything I wrote mattered because nothing seemed to be worth writing about anymore. So I stopped speaking. I felt foolish for preaching on about life because I didn't think that I was truly living mine the way I should. In my struggles against all man-made systems, I lost my voice or rather chose not to use it anymore. I didn't think anybody was listening.
So why do I write now? Because maybe, you've been disillusioned too. Maybe the pointless, gruelling cruelties of daily life have churned you up and spat you out too. Maybe you've been left as I was: without a worthy cause to believe in, to live for or to die for, forsaken by your God and the principles that you had founded for yourself. In that case, I'm sending out this message into the void. I don't know if it will reach anyone or if it will matter but I need to say this to you.
You will find your cause. Or at least, you will find the strength to keep looking for one. Your life will not have come to naught if you're still fighting as I am, fighting to not be overwhelmed by disillusionment, to accept that even if everything you've known since you were a child has turned out to be a badly crafted lie... you will find your own truth and it will make sense to you and that will be enough.
Keep searching, my friend because if you have a mind, your thoughts and your quest will never cease. If you have a mind, you are damned and there is no rest for the damned. But this is a damnation that I endure with pride for my mind is my weapon and I shall use it.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
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